Helen* writes about her recent Inwarbound retreat reflecting on the journey 2 months on.
Sometimes, it’s the simplest phrases that break us. For me, it was, “This time next year, everything will be better.”
I’d heard those words countless times before, but one day, they hit me differently. I felt myself disassociate, watching a part of me float above my head. My body began to sob uncontrollably—a release of pain, fear, confusion, and then… nothing. Emptiness. Numbness.
In the weeks that followed, it felt like I was moving through life underwater. Detached, exhausted, and overwhelmed, I couldn’t explain what was happening to me, not to those around me, nor to myself. Decisions felt impossible; everything blurred into chaos. For someone who’d always been “together,” the contrast was alarming. It was burnout, or perhaps a breakdown, after ten relentless years of business highs and lows, compounded by the grief of losing a sibling. The words “thus far and no further” played in a loop in my mind, but I didn’t know what to do with them.
Eventually, I realised I needed help. Therapy? A retreat? As I searched, I stumbled upon InwardBound, a retreat that weaves Celtic spirituality with psilocybin plant medicine. I’d been curious about the therapeutic potential of psychedelics, and something about this called to me. Filling out their application form was the first step toward something I didn’t yet understand.
Darragh, one of the founders of InwardBound, contacted me for a screening call. He was warm, inquisitive, and thorough. Afterward, I was scheduled for a therapy session with one of their psychotherapists for a deeper assessment. Their process felt deliberate and careful, which reassured me. When I was approved to attend, I booked my flight to Amsterdam.
At a restaurant in Amsterdam, Sophie (another Psychotherapist) from the InwardBound team greeted our group of four—strangers from around the world brought together by a shared sense of seeking. A taxi took us to the retreat venue, a serene house on the edge of a forest. Though the journey was long, it allowed us to get to know each other. When we arrived, Darragh welcomed us with open arms and a comforting meal: a rich vegetarian curry. Over the weekend, the food remained a highlight—nourishing, vegetarian, and deeply grounding.
After settling into our cozy, private rooms, we gathered for an opening circle. Each of us shared why we were there and what we hoped to gain. Darragh and Sophie outlined the weekend’s agenda, including the psilocybin ceremonies. The night ended with a hypnotherapy session led by Sophie, calming our nerves and setting the tone for restful sleep.
The next morning began with movement and meditation led by Darragh, followed by a light breakfast and a sharing circle. Afterward, we were sent into the forest to ground ourselves. By midday, the ceremony space had been transformed into something sacred: mattresses laid out, each with an eye mask, earplugs, and a duvet. A fire burned softly, its warmth filling the room.
Darragh instructed us to grind our truffles into a paste, which Sophie mixed with warm ginger and lemon water. The brew, tasting faintly of walnuts, was earthy and unassuming. As Darragh played the bodhrán and sang, I drank my tea, donned my eye mask, and snuggled under my duvet.
What followed was a slow descent into something entirely new. The music guided the journey—tribal chants, soaring piano melodies, and cinematic scores—each track opening a new chapter of experience. My first journey was overwhelming. Fear crept in, followed by paranoia and claustrophobia. Darragh and Sophie were there, grounding me in their different ways, offering exactly what I needed.
The experience lasted about five hours. Emerging from it, we sat silently at a table set with fruit and art supplies, encouraged to draw mandalas of our experience. I felt raw, vulnerable, and utterly drained. That evening’s sharing circle revealed just how unique each of our journeys had been—a reminder that, though we coexist, our inner worlds are entirely our own.
I requested a private conversation with Darragh and Sophie that night to process the more challenging moments. They listened, holding space with such care. That night, I slept deeply.
The second ceremony unfolded differently. Two participants opted out, leaving just two of us to embark on another journey. This time, the truffles were blended into a smoothie, making the experience gentler from the start. When I struggled to let go, Sophie checked in, offering me a small dose adjustment. This second dose changed everything.
What followed defies words. My body felt like molten caramel, warm and unified. I became light, swirling and expanding, yet deeply rooted in the earth. It was as though I had plugged directly into the mycelium network of the forest. I encountered past traumas, each appearing vividly, but this time with a profound sense of compassion and forgiveness. Memories that had haunted me dissolved, replaced by love and understanding.
At one point, a voice spoke clearly: “Top left breast—go get it checked out.” Calmly, I acknowledged it and continued. Weeks later, I followed through. A lump was found, thankfully benign. Was it my body’s voice? A spirit guide? The medicine itself? I’ll never know, and perhaps it doesn’t matter.
The second journey ended with an overwhelming sense of peace and connection. Once again, we drew mandalas, shared meals, and reflected in a closing circle. The following morning, a cacao ceremony marked the end of our retreat. As we packed our bags, I felt a bittersweet sadness. I wasn’t ready to leave this sacred bubble.
Upon reflection, two things made this experience truly unique and special. Firstly, having a female facilitator as part of the team was wonderful, and I think important. Sophie is a highly skilled, experienced, and talented psychologist and hypnotherapist with vast experience working with psychedelics. She held the space in such a nurturing and feminine way, creating an environment that felt safe, and allowed me to lean fully into my own femininity. The dynamic between Darragh and Sophie was beautifully balanced—Darragh’s presence felt like a sacred masculine guardian of the space, while Sophie held the tender, intuitive feminine. Together, they created a container that welcomed vulnerability, authenticity and deep healing.
The second thing that stood out was the thoughtful integration process after the retreat. We had an online group integration session where everyone shared how they were navigating life post-retreat. It was lovely to reconnect with the group, because we’d been through so much together. Following that, I had a one-on-one integration session with Sophie, which was deeply insightful. She helped me reframe the challenges I was facing and guided me in tapping into the wisdom I had gained during the retreat.
Almost two months later, the transformations linger. The traumas that once consumed me feel distant, replaced by love, forgiveness, and compassion. InwardBound’s retreat gave me more than healing; it offered me a profound reconnection to myself and the world around me.
To the team—Darragh, Sophie, and the unseen threads of support that held us all—thank you. Your work is sacred, and your care is extraordinary. This experience has forever changed me.
*Helen is an anonymous name because our guest wants to remain private.
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